One definition of insanity might be when we simultaneously hold two mutually incompatible ideas to be true. This is at the heart of being a Spirit-led Calvinist.
But there is a rather large question: If God is sovereign, and controls all, how can He hold us to account for our actions? Alternate statement: if God hates sin and loves us without condition, why would he ever let us turn away from Him and towards sin?
The usual answer from most Christians is “free will.” As in, each of us chooses to sin, or not sin. Or to be saved, or to be damned. That’s certainly plausible. On the surface.
Getting back to God’s will, though: I believe that God has already chosen, from before time, who among us will be saved. And who shall b e damned. Those saved remain sinners; that is our nature. But at some point the light of Christ enters, and they turn away from sin. Not perfectly; not instantly; but eventually and sufficiently.
The mystery? Why God does not save all. Why God selects some people; rejects others. I do not begin to know. My experience in this world is extensive, and I’ve lived a while. My observation is that, judging solely by human behavior, very few ought to be saved. Very few will have earned it, if works were the sole criterion. But I’ve seen only a slice, and I, nor any man, can see into another’s soul.
I fall back on what amounts to an excuse: God’s mystery. It appears futile to apply human logic to God. Not that God is illogical. No. God is rational. But God also transcends logic.
Free will goes only so far. Free will can not possibly negate the will of God, which no human is privileged to know or fully understand. At least here in this world.
My hope? The Big Guy will ‘fess up with some answers, if I get there. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to act as though I’ll be saved in the end. Who knows, I might get some points for good behavior…